May 25, 2007
Dear Family and Friends,
It’s 6:15pm on a Friday evening and Jason and I are sitting at two computers at my work typing away quietly. One of my colleagues just walked in and of course asked, “where’s Kali??” You might be wondering too since we said that we were sitting here quietly. J Last night around 8:30pm we watched Kali head out of our driveway waving happily out from Grandma and Grandpa Myers’ car. I, on the other hand, was sobbing!!
We’ve been anticipating this weekend for months now and I was consumed with pure excitement about it until about a month or two ago when I realized the time was quickly approaching and what it really meant – I wasn’t going to see Kali for THREE days. All of a sudden I was flooded with emotions that I didn’t even know exactly how to name initially, which has led to some good reflecting for me.
While Kali is safely in West Virginia obviously having the time of her life (she didn’t even want to say hello to me on the phone this morning because she and Grandma were already busily reading her Ladybug magazine) and in wonderful hands of caring grandparents, her being away from us has given me the context in which to think about our life with Kali and our life without Kali. Jason and I both agreed last night on a teary walk as I pulled myself together that we think one of the main fruits of this time apart from Kali (and our time the two of us together) will be an overwhelming sense of gratefulness for our lives together the three of us – and an excitement to see how our lives will soon be transformed once again by Drimpy’s entrance into the mix.
I’ve found myself thinking about parents who lose children early in life and wondering where they draw the strength to go on. I felt completely silly as I walked into Kali’s room last evening to feed the fish and shut the window with these incredible feelings of sappiness at the fact that I wouldn’t be spending time in that room for the weekend. It makes me realize how Kali is so closely woven into the fabric of our lives. It’s not the major things that I miss so much as the little ways that she is part of my day – the pitter patter of her feet as she comes out to greet me in the morning, her kisses and hugs to fill up my “kiss and hug tank,” her holding my finger as we walk down to the mailbox together, her noises (laughter, singing, shrieking, questions and endless storytelling), and the list could go on and on!
But, before you think that Jason and I are sitting around the house mourning her absence, I better add a bit more to this letter. I allowed myself to fully feel my emotions last night and woke up a fair number of times last night realizing there wasn’t any way that I could check on her before falling back to sleep. However, this morning I woke up feeling eager to enjoy the novelty of being just Jason and I around our home. Jason headed out to take care of the chickens and pick spinach/lettuce and hang a load of laundry while I got 3 large batches of bread going (the start of baking that I’ll mostly be doing tomorrow for Tim Godshall and Virginia Showalter’s wedding Sunday). Then while it was rising Jason and I went out for a run together (okay, a blob jog together since that is about the best I can do these days with Drimpy sharing my oxygen supply). Jason then worked on the house while I finished up the bread. Shortly after lunch we headed into town where we have been every since. We have spent more money today then I would like to admit but also got a lot accomplished (our woodstove for the front room is ordered, I’ve acquired a few more maternity clothes from Goodwill, we picked up the slate for our porches, we’ve ordered all the lighting for the front room/porches and we stopped at about 5 other places for random supplies). We ended at Bombay Courtyard (and Indian restaurant) in late celebration of our 8th wedding anniversary.
As soon as I get this letter off to you (it may be shorter than usual for this reason J), we plan to head home for a walk before dark and maybe even to play a game and enjoy some decaf coffee and leftover carrot cake (Jason) and Kline’s ice cream (Janelle). Then some sleep so I’m ready to bake the remaining 300 rolls tomorrow!!
So, yes, we are having fun – maybe not as much fun as Kali, but fun none-the-less. And it sounds like Grandma and Grandpa aren’t having a half bad time either. We are glad they are able to enjoy this time of creating special memories together and we are doing the same.
Speaking of people spending time with Kali, we were blessed to have (aunt) Emily stay with us for the past several weeks. Kali was thrilled to have one of her favorite playmates in residence again and we were too. And I can’t help but admit that she also gives AMAZING foot rubs (complete with a machete file!), of which I benefited from her last evening with us. We will miss her presence with us as she transitions to living in DC and continuing her work as a Spanish medical interpreter.
Our good friend Jen (now Saner-Harvey), has also gifted all of us with spending a day a week with Kali the last two weeks and the coming two. Jen usually calls me within about 10 minutes of me dropping Kali off to tell me the first cute thing of the day Kali said. They seem to be mutually enjoying spending time together – walking in a cow pasture, going to Mr J’s for bagel bites, making breakfast in which Kali got to stir the eggs ON THE PAN, reading stories, falling asleep (for the first time since she turned 3) on the couch listening to music, going for a long walk and visits to the park, doing errands, being a “helper” around the house, and in general entertaining Jen as she does us with her cute voice and imaginative narration of the world around her and all the little stories budding in her mind.
Well, I think it is about time to wrap this up. As this month comes to a close I feel really grateful that work has slowed to an at least somewhat manageable rate. The Summer Peacebuilding Institute is halfway over and so by now we have the routine down pretty well. I’m actually getting to some projects that have been in the wings for some time. This summer will be full of transitions as I will be moving offices and we will be preparing for our co-director, Ruth, to leave us for a 6 year term with MCC in India in September. And then I’ll be out come November caring for a new little one in our family.
I should note that the second trimester so far has been luxurious compared to the first. I have renewed energy, food tastes and smells good and is fun to prepare again, my belly is starting to give Drimpy’s presence away which is fun and I’m just feeling more generally positive about life. We’ll see what the third trimester brings (at least that will be mostly when cooler weather is also coming).
Love to all of you, Janelle
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