Winter...

I am realizing, once again, how I feel drawn to use this blog for different purposes at different times. Lately, when I feel the urge to write something, I find that I have a new audience in mind, and audience of one: Kali. For whoever else may land on this page, I could wish that they might find something helpful or inspiring or comforting, but it seems that that is not my (current) main goal. I find myself wanting to not forget to put snippets here that some day down the road when Kali is old enough to think about, care about, want to know about this time period in our family's history she will find bits and pieces of her process woven within (and I can't help but hope that maybe it will trigger her own memories, or possibly some much desired explanations for her parents or her thought processes in these days - I know that that is likely very wishful thinking).

For example, the other night we were in the middle of the nighttime routine. She was sitting on the potty. Out of the blue, Kali asked me something like, "What season was she with us for all of it?" It was clear that I was being included in this thought process somewhere midstream as there was no lead in and she assumed I would know exactly what she was referring to. I did. And inside I felt glad to see that she continues to ponder her sister's presence with us, even if she only lets us in on it occasionally. I replied, "Winter" but when seeking any additional information regarding her thoughts, I was not granted more. She had received confirmation of the information she was seeking and was on her own once again...

Kali and I got to spend some time with the triplets again the other day, and introduce my mom to them! It seemed to take Kali a good 45 minutes to settle in. I'm not sure if it was the fact that Carina (her "favorite" triplet) was decked out in pink, which Kali has developed a strong aversion for, or if Kali was just tired out or if for her, like me, there is a strong emotional connection to these little people that reminds us strongly of Nora's life. I may never know. What I did notice in myself was that it was the first hour or so that I haven't thought about how I was feeling physically for weeks. As soon as I got in the car to leave, I felt the various aches, sensations, discomforts I've been experiencing now for weeks and it hit me that I had just enjoyed an hour free of it, fully immersed in the antics and cuteness of three very special little people.