Our birthdays, an average of 30 years.

I am writing this update from Mom and Dad Myers’ place in Mt. Joy on Janelle’s birthday. We are glad to be with family, and enjoyed my parents coming out last evening for supper. We had planned for quite a different weekend, as I was going to be fishing in the New Jersey saltwater with my dad and father-in-law in my dad’s boat today, and we were going to be attending a wedding tomorrow. This course of action had been approved by our midwifery/obstetric practice last week, so long as Janelle reclined the seat while riding in the car, did NOTHING while not attending the wedding, etc. But we had another appointment on our way out of town yesterday, and that changed. Here’s how it went:

We went into the appointment feeling nervous. This was an ultrasound appointment, involving a 4-part Biophysical Profile. We knew that if this profile showed signs of trouble, we were not likely to get to go to PA as planned. To our relief, she got a score of 8 out of 8, and even showed improvement over the last time in terms of blood pressure/Doppler flows (her growth was not measured this time, since it had been so recently done that a growth evaluation would not have been too meaningful yet), so we breathed more easily and waited with little nervousness for the review with our friend Anne, one of the midwives. We expected to hear that the news was, in context, good, and that our current trajectory was still the medical advice. However, all of the doctors and midwives in the practice meet regularly to discuss all of the “problem cases”, and they had just done so that morning. Anne informed us that they thought we should be prepared for the possibility that, at our UVA appointment on Monday, the UVA docs might want to keep Janelle there and induce delivery shortly. Being prepared meant, according to her, three things: emotional preparedness, logistical preparedness, and steroid shots to prepare the baby’s lungs for life as a non-aquatic creature. Furthermore, she recommended we not travel to PA, partially so that Janelle could get the second in the series of 2 steroid injections, partially because they simply had misgivings about the level of activity.

Serious bummer!

Now what? Perhaps foolishly, we had come to the appointment with the car packed, including my having lashed a set of scaffolding to the roof rack of our Subaru to return to my Dad. Besides that, Kali was waiting for us in PA, having spent the better part of this week at Mom and Dad Myers’ place (enjoying herself thoroughly with play dates, sleepovers, and other adventures). We were, of course, still trying to absorb the news that we might have a baby next week, or at least that the NICU nurses might have our baby next week, while simultaneously trying to decide if we should accept the travel restriction without negotiation or not. I think both of us felt we needed to be around our parents, so we asked if we could possibly talk to the doctor directly about the travel, and make our case. We were able to, and it turned out the doctor’s main concern was getting that second steroid shot. When we told her we each had a physician for a parent, and we were sure we could arrange that, she seemed o.k. with it, but couldn’t quite concede the point of attending the wedding. Of course Janelle was upset about not being able to attend her old friend and neighbor Dana Reist’s wedding, and indeed we understood the advice as a judgment call that we could, if we chose, cautiously not take, but Janelle soon realized that with the new load on her shoulders, she wasn’t really up for a celebratory crowd anyway.

We decided to just go to Mt. Joy (Janelle’s parents) instead of first to Pennsburg (my parents), and to come home Friday instead of Sunday. Since my parents were able to change plans and make it out to Mt. Joy for supper, that seemed to be the option that was the least disruptive to our plans, and yet which allowed us a little more time at home to prepare for the unknowns of the coming week. Which are:

Might this baby need to be born this week? That will ultimately be up to us, I suppose. But in practical terms it depends on the judgments of the UVA docs. If Janelle gives birth to a baby girl Monday, we know that more likely than not she’ll be spending some time in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. We don’t know how much. Anne told us to think in terms of weeks rather than days. The judgments of the UVA docs will be based on the results of their very thorough evaluation by ultrasound of the baby’s health and growth. Based on our last session with them and on the reputation of the doctor attending Monday’s appointment, we anticipate knowledgeable, respectful, and kind interaction that can help us make informed decisions. We hope that they will see fit to recommend allowing the baby as much time in the womb as possible. Each week she can safely stay in gains all of us so much in terms of a healthy process and outcome.

If we are looking at a prolonged NICU stay, we may have to have a place to stay in Charlottesville for a while. Several friends, including Anne, have mentioned contacts they have in Charlottesville who have space or who may know someone who has space where we could stay. Any other ideas would be welcome, since multiple options garnered through personal contacts afford us, in my opinion, the best chance of a process that will work for our family. We are hoping to go to UVA Monday with a flexible plan in place.

And the big unknown is: Is something wrong with the baby? Clearly our caregivers think so. It seems most if not all of them are leaning toward some as-yet-unknown genetic or chromosomal anomaly or disorder. Being the natural optimist I am and the hopeful dad I must be, I am as yet unwilling to concede the point that her within-normal-range head shape, early (but now resolved) kidney abnormality, and failure to live up to growth standards constitute a package that clearly indicates such a disorder. I have family history reasons to point to for all of those, though my amateur interpretation of those reasons is naturally not as reliable as the professional one. Still, I’m clear that we must wait and see. However, as our friend Mike Higgins once put it (about other things, I think), we must hope for the best while preparing for the worst.

I’ll sign off now so this update doesn’t get too long, and so I can do some embroidery for the baby’s quilt. Let me just add that I feel more admiration for Janelle than ever as she manages to restrain her natural busy impulses and just lay around, while still being present to Kali and sensitive to her needs. If it was easy for her, that would be one thing. But it’s not, and she does it anyway. This is her least favorite birthday ever, of course, and it’s hard for me to see this day pass with little special enjoyment for her. We are hoping to celebrate our half-birthdays this year. We have no idea what shape our lives will have taken by then.

Thanks to all of you for your many messages and actions which have shown us your care and support. It has meant and will continue to mean a lot.

Love, Jason for the Myers-Benner family

P.S. Due to Janelle’s being off of work and Kali’s cooperativeness in being able to be entertained by Janelle or generous volunteers in a way that fits with the rest protocol, I and other generous volunteers have been able to make good progress on the addition. The walls are painted, electrical fixtures are in, and the new oak floor has the first coat of finish drying while we are away. Will we be able to move in before the baby comes? It seems doubtful now that the schedule is accelerated, but we’re a lot closer than we would have been without the good help we’ve received. Thanks.

P.P.S. If you’ve made this far this is Janelle adding a note since Jason didn’t mention it, that Jason will be celebrating his 31^st birthday tomorrow. We’ll be at home now together as a family, trying to savor some moments together. It felt so good to me last night to crawl into bed snuggled up with Jason and Kali. In those moments it is hard to not feel like everything is right in the world.