Over 3 pounds

It’s time for another update and though we have no more information on the baby’s long-term prognosis, we do have some actual information to give to you! We will be heading to UVA in one week from today for a scheduled induction, so at least we know when we will learn more. We are to arrive around 1pm on Monday, October 29^th to get admitted and settled in and they will likely start the induction process sometime Monday evening. So hopefully this baby will have an October 30^th birthday, which she will share with her Great Grandma Matson and it is also her Aunt Jenn and Uncle Ethan’s wedding anniversary. I’m hopeful she will not share her birthday with Halloween!

So that’s the quick update. I did want to share a few other reflections from the last week’s events and from today’s appointment. Keep reading if you like all the details!

I should say that there are a variety of things keeping life interesting for us these days. I’ve been sleeping more restlessly with baby dreams, labor dreams or other odd dreams. At other times I wake and my mind spins for awhile before I can settle back down. Well, last night Jason and I were both awakened with a start at a very loud sound of some loud machine running continuously in our house. In our half-awake state is was very, very unsettling. As we both catapulted out of bed, with me hollering “what is that?”, for once Jason had no explanation. I have to admit that a panicked feeling flooded me that all the work on the house was about to be history as something horrible in our house was malfunctioning. All of a sudden I recognized the sound and I said to Jason, “it’s the compressor!” (I was impressed at myself for identifying the sound first!!). He had forgotten to unplug it at the end of the day and it had clicked on when the pressure got too low. Needless to say we did not go back to sleep easily!!

Other things in our life have been much more calming, healing and reassuring. Last evening Kali and Jason headed up the hill to hang out at Samuel and Margaret’s home and play there while I was joined for a “blessing way” in our home. Five Shalom (our church) women, who are also good friends, neighbors, and/or mothers, and women who I admire and feel very comfortable with, planned an evening full of ritual, readings, and various ways of showing support to me as I journey toward the end of this pregnancy and the birth of our daughter. It had hardly started before the tears flowed freely. I think initially it was just a feeling of being overwhelmed by the care and support I felt in that space – how often do we attend events that are planned entirely with us in mind. The candle lighting, weaving of yarn together, a basket of pampering products for me, foot washing and various readings and other things, all filled me with a sense of being surrounded and supported by those in the room and many others who have been journeying with us in the past number of weeks. I felt stronger today as we entered another appointment at UVA as I looked down and saw the red yarn around my ankle and remembered that 5 other women will be wearing that and looking at it and remembering me until our baby comes home.

Today Kali got to enjoy a wonderfully fun afternoon with Aunt Sue while we traveled to and from UVA. Our ultrasound was once again somewhat uneventful, other than this little girl making it very difficult for them to get an accurate Doppler flow reading. The ultrasonagrapher said she would have gotten a 12/8 on her biophysical profile if that was an option. She was super squirmy, making some of the testing a bit of a challenge. She was practicing her breathing like a real pro and we were happy to see the amniotic fluid levels solidly above 7. And finally Jason and I couldn’t help feeling surprised when her estimated weight was an entire 3lbs 9oz. Yes, still incredibly small, but we had to admit it was more than we were hoping for at this point. Yes, she’s still weeks and weeks behind and likely won’t be a whole lot more than that at birth, but it just sounds better than 2 lbs. So as we waited for the perinatologist to meet with us to draw up a plan, we were certain it would be about what we were expecting. Shouldn’t we know by now NOT to try to guess what comes next?

Dr. Saller came in (the last of the 4 perinatologists and the only one we hadn’t met) and introduced himself in a very professional and kind but not overly warm way. He said he had been reviewing the chart and it is clear she is not growing as she should be and that at this point being at 36 weeks there is probably not much to be gained by waiting a whole lot longer. She is not likely to mature much more and there are “lots of bad things” that could happen and not much good. For that reason, and in consultation with Dr. Laschley who was the one on in labor and delivery, they would recommend that we move forward with delivery and even plan for us to stay for induction today if that is okay with us. My “no” may have been a bit too emotional and forceful, but it just kind of slipped out!

After we talked a bit about how we wanted a little time to prepare and plan for care for our daughter and about the fact that we also were not expecting delivery before 37 weeks if all other tests determining her well-being showed good results. We went back to the waiting room while he called the other two doctors (who we had really liked) and then we met with him for a second time. We both felt like in the interim we had become real people to him and we felt like the second encounter was much more positive. He was very flexible with us, letting us know who was working the labor and delivery ward when and allowed us to have much more say in the process.

So we left feeling like we had the best plan we could hope for considering all the circumstances. Monday night’s shift is with the one doctor we really liked and Tuesday’s day shift is with the other doctor we really liked. That is very reassuring for me to know that I’ll know at least one of the care providers who will be with us in labor.

Now we enter our last week of waiting and wondering, but with a focus on preparing for the week to come. We are hopeful that having this time will enable us to make the best plan for Kali’s care in the days while I’m in labor and in the hospital and while we need to focus on the initial care of this little girl. We are eager to meet her and to know what challenges we will journey through together.

Thank you all for journeying with us. I would like to close with a poem that was shared with me last evening that is also on the candles that each of the women will light when I go into labor and will leave on until our baby is born. Love, Janelle

Pledge to my Children

May you anticipate your children’s birth, her childhood and her

Life and encourage her to look forward too.

May you watch her flourish and discover her home in this

Magnificent world

May you nurture her innocence and never forget the sacred

place it comes from.

may you show her the way of wonder and walk along beside her.

May you stand for her as a parent and a friend, valuing her

dreams just as you value your own

May you voice your feelings honestly, and honor the promise you

Make.

May you listen to her thoughtfully and give her the freedom to

expand her own mind.

May you envision her happy future, always mindful of the

Precious, present moment.

May you embrace her and enjoy her with your heart open wide.

by Andrea Alban Gosline, Lisa Burnett Bossi, and Ame Mahler Beanland

Celebrating Motherhood