I packed a picnic lunch for us to enjoy together outside after church today. The weather was too beautiful to not be outside and a picnic at home would have been nice too but the "to do" list at home makes doing much other than working that down to a reasonable size difficult. So we went to the JMU arboretum, which Kali really enjoys and we do too. It just happens that the last time the three of us took a picnic there was the day we chose to tell Kali that she was going to be a big sister. The feelings today as we sat there were quite different. Mother's Day has not tended to be a holiday we have celebrated in any grand way in the past and this year was really no different. But, emotionally, it felt different: catapulting me back to last year, learning Nora had pulmonary hypertension. And it was a day in which I remember feeling so uncertain about how to mother our girls. I end today feeling some similar feelings as I journey with Kali. We've gotten linked with some amazing people and some amazing resources (most notably Alfie Kohn), that have shed some light for us on how we wish to be interacting with Kali and other children that we have opportunities to care for. Yet on days like today when my emotions are high, I end up mothering in a way far from my ideals. My patience gets used up so much faster. And Kali seems to continually be able to absorb my/our tension like a sponge. But tomorrow will be a new day. I'll end this one cuddling up to Kali in bed for the first portion of the night at least...
I packed a picnic lunch for us to enjoy together outside after church today. The weather was too beautiful to not be outside and a picnic at home would have been nice too but the "to do" list at home makes doing much other than working that down to a reasonable size difficult. So we went to the JMU arboretum, which Kali really enjoys and we do too. It just happens that the last time the three of us took a picnic there was the day we chose to tell Kali that she was going to be a big sister. The feelings today as we sat there were quite different. Mother's Day has not tended to be a holiday we have celebrated in any grand way in the past and this year was really no different. But, emotionally, it felt different: catapulting me back to last year, learning Nora had pulmonary hypertension. And it was a day in which I remember feeling so uncertain about how to mother our girls. I end today feeling some similar feelings as I journey with Kali. We've gotten linked with some amazing people and some amazing resources (most notably Alfie Kohn), that have shed some light for us on how we wish to be interacting with Kali and other children that we have opportunities to care for. Yet on days like today when my emotions are high, I end up mothering in a way far from my ideals. My patience gets used up so much faster. And Kali seems to continually be able to absorb my/our tension like a sponge. But tomorrow will be a new day. I'll end this one cuddling up to Kali in bed for the first portion of the night at least...
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1 comment:
Janelle,
I've been thinking of you so much today. I spent a weekend (a while back) reading through your blog and your family's journey. My heart breaks for what you've gone through and yet Nora's memory lives on through your words. Your family is beautiful, inside and out, and I am honored that I was able to journey along from a distance. Know that I pray for you all when you come to mind -which is quite often. I pray for continued processing and healing as you continue your journey without Nora in your presence.
Much love,
Alicia (Robertson) Epperly
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