At least one thing is getting easier!

Well, I wasn't sure if it was going to be possible, but donating blood is getting so much easier. The hardest part was locating a blood drive happening in the area (and I hate the finger stick to check my iron level - I always jump). Kali got to come along and sit right beside me this time, and she was happy with that (also happy to get to have the snack AND to get a t-shirt without having donated). It also helped that we went to a blood drive at JMU, which is where she plans to work when she grows up since one of the school colors is purple. If only all life decisions could be made so easily!

Something has shifted in me that I actually find myself anticipating with eagerness the 8 weeks coming to an end so I can engage once again in this simple act of giving of myself, in such a real and very tangible way. It is not just life giving for the person on the receiving end of my blood, but life giving for me as well. Today I found myself craving it mostly so that I would be sitting (unable to move or do anything else for 15 or so minutes) and doing something which takes my mind so easily and naturally to Nora. It felt good for Jason, Kali and I to be there together. I was grateful for that time and that connection to Nora's memory and to the ways she inspired me and helped me learn new things about myself.

It's not that there aren't so many other times each day that she comes to mind. There are the fleeting thoughts, the moments where I pause at work to soak up the picture of Kali holding Nora that is on my desk, or when Kali finds again on her shelf the children's book "Noisy Nora" for us to read. And then there are the more poignant moments. When we lost one of our chicks early on (it was just too weak and tiny to keep going - the runt of the group). I'm quite sure my tears were more about Nora than the chick. Or while preparing to share part of the welcome at this year's CJP graduation celebration, in which I could not help but weave some of the ways our journey with Nora was so connected to this cohort's time in the graduation program (I had just finished orienting them when I learned that Nora was not growing well in utero). And then just this week when we took Phoebe with us (without her parents) to a community potluck where someone said to Kali, "I didn't know you had a little sister..."

For me the coming month at work will be very reminiscent of the happenings of last year. As the Summer Peacebuilding Institute got underway last year we were holding out hope that the feeding tube was going to provide some relief to all four of us. And then as each session went by, we found the journey becoming more and more uncertain and scary. I look forward to being able to be more physically present at this year's SPI, but realize too that my emotions will likely be closer to the surface than at some other points in this year. At the same time, I feel I will be able to be, because of our journey with Nora, more fully present to the stories of joy and of loss that the many coming from all around the globe will bring with them. For that I'm grateful!