Christmas in PA

It's so good to be home (even if it was about 55 degrees in the house upon our arrival). As we were leaving Pennsylvania today and I was bouncing in my seat from excitement about going home, Jason commented that I seemed more excited to be going home than I was about our trip. I have to admit that that is probably accurate. Home is a space like no other for me right now.

Pictures of our time away are online at http://picasaweb.google.com/bennerj8
under "ChristmasWithMyersFamily" and "ChristmasWithBennerFamily" for those that are interested in a visual taste of at least some of the activities that accompanied the week past.

Now we have close to a week before work and school start up again to find homes for the many gracious gifts we have been given, connect with friends and neighbors, and hopefully carve out some time for writing and reflection on the year past. The pace of the holidays and the activities surrounding the time with family did not allow for much of either.

I feel grateful for the ways that Nora's life and our memories of the time with her were acknowledged and incorporated into some of the holiday festivities. Somehow it felt right to hear Kali deciding where Nora's stocking would be hung at Grandma and Grandpa Benner's house. This and other rituals are ones that Nora never experienced in person. So in some ways I guess it could seem silly to do it now. Clearly they are performed for the sake of those of us who remain and who miss her. And for me, it somehow brings my journey with her into these physical spaces dear to us (her grandparents' homes), spaces that she never visited.

At the same time, I experienced moments of feeling a lot of disconnect between my "current life" and that which I shared with Nora. Those moments are not all bad, just uncomfortable. I continue to wrestle with things that seemingly contradict one another, but desire to coexist more peacefully side by side. Celebration and loss. Grief and laughter. Stillness and chaos.