Seasons

There are new pictures of some of our favorite little people online at:
http://picasaweb.google.com/bennerj8/Phoebe# and
http://picasaweb.google.com/bennerj8/TripletsTheirHomeOnThe7th#
A lot of words could be added to them, but it mostly feels unnecessary. I think it goes without saying that we soak up their presence in our lives. We celebrate their vibrancy and health, enjoy each new thing they discover about the world and themselves, and feel thankful for the time we are able to enjoy with them. I can't help but feel indebted to Nora, in so many ways, for these precious relationships.

This afternoon I attended a surprise baby shower for a CJP student who is expecting a baby girl in March. It was at "You Made It Pottery" and so we were painting/glazing all sorts of things for the baby, nursery and parents. A fun, creative, celebratory time. I was happy to be there and be part. As often happens there were many reminders for me of Nora's time with us and her premature passing.

One of the things being decorated was a ceramic tissue box cover. It struck me that the person working it chose to do a theme of seasons. She chose to make each side represent one of the four seasons: Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter. I came home, drawn once again to our beautiful stain glass piece representing the three seasons Nora spent with us. That tissue box for me is a symbol of hope for the new little one's life; that she will experience all the seasons that we enjoy in this part of the world. That she will enjoy and join in the natural rhythm of life.

On a different note, life has yet to fall into a very natural rhythm for me. I often sense that I'm still very much finding my way in a world that feels much changed to me. I'm adjusting to the changes I sense in myself and learning what it means to journey authentically here and now.
Nothing like the Christmas season to exacerbate those challenges. The busyness of this time of year seems so counter to what I intuitively want to be doing right now. I crave time to wait, wonder, and reflect. It seems that Advent should have at least a good dose of that.

Kali has the anticipation part covered, as she checks in frequently on how many days until Winter and how many days until Christmas. And while I fret about gift giving, desperately wanting to creatively and thoughtfully sidestep the impulse to buy more and more stuff while wanting to find ways to show many that I care about and am grateful for them, Kali enthusiastically helps wrap homemade presents and some of her own things picked out for cousins and friends. As always there is much I can learn from her example.

It's sweet to see Kali thinking about many of the people in our life. Right before bedtime this evening she was in one of her very silly moods where the "knock knock" jokes start flying. This time it was all about using 1/2 a family members name in the first half of the joke and concluding with the remainder. It was so sweet to hear her going through all of them. This morning she wanted to know how many people were in our family. She clarified that she meant us, as well as aunt, uncles, cousins, grandparents and great-grandparents. On that one I asked if I was to include all or just the great-grandparents that are still living and she wanted those that were still living. I counted and in this case chose, because of her former criteria, to not include Nora in the numbers. Much later in the day we were on our way out for a walk and as we walked down the driveway Kali told me that I had forgotten to include Nora in the numbers of our family. Somehow those moments where she acknowledges and names the unique place that Nora holds in our family's life feels so right and healthy and is healing for me, and hopefully her. It opens a space, initiated by her, to talk on her terms.

We started something new as a family this week, after a few rocky days together in which it just felt like we weren't in a very good groove at all: Family meetings! It's not only been really helpful, but it's been fun, informative, productive, and the "meeting minutes" are going to be very entertaining for Kali in about 15 years from now! We can all contribute to the agenda and all participate in the discussion and decision-making. Kali clearly feels empowered in this type of process (probably partly from being used to the school meetings they have each day). She has lots of ideas, but what is interesting to me is how she also seems very open to hearing our ideas and working together to come to an agreement. We've only had three meetings thus far but I'm a huge fan already! They are totally worth the time they take, even if only on entertainment value.