We've been doing some more food processing lately, some successful and some not so successful. We've now picked apples from 3 of our trees. You heard about the first trial on applesauce - UNSUCCESSFUL at least in producing a quality applesauce. Our second tree gave us a wheelbarrow full of perfect applesauce apples - the kind that makes applesauce just from cooking them down and the victorian strainer is mostly just getting out the seeds. We did about 45 quarts and had some to share with our neighbors. Our third tree is called "honey cider" apples and after unsuccessful attempts at locating a small cider press, we attempted juice yesterday. Not so successful. It seems that the first and third tree share some similar properties, particularly that of not cooking down well. So we ended with 2 measly quarts of juice, one of which did not seal. Jason and Kali may experiment more this week (when I'm not around) as Jason finds this incredibly interesting (and I mostly frustrating!).

Yesterday was a day where I just couldn't settle myself into any kind of rhythm. I felt tired beyond words, emotional about anything and everything, and left with little to no energy for my family or myself. Sometimes it's hard to be gentle with me. Is what I'm feeling related to Nora or not? Would I approach my feelings differently whether or not it is related to Nora?

The one thing I'm certain of is that I need more down time at home. Time to just stand in front of our memory box and let the tears flow freely. Time to engage in imaginative play with Kali and soak in her creative chattering. Time for Jason and I to talk and process and be together. Carving out that time, time free of expectations, is the challenge.