Jason's birthday

It's "happy minute" (11:11pm) as I write. I felt happier at most of the other minutes of the day than I do at once again being up at this hour, but it just hasn't felt like there has been an overabundance of minutes in the day... Overall it was a wonderful day today. I've determined over the last number of years that I tend to enjoy Jason's birthday even more than mine. I'm such a sucker for getting wrapped up in expectations of what a birthday should be like, or thinking about how I'm going to make Jason's birthday special, that I don't tend to soak in the actual day of my birth all that well. But I sure enjoy the day after. Maybe I just enjoy spending a good part of the day in the kitchen. Kali enjoyed helping to craft Daddy's birthday menus. Of course she was quite certain she knew just what Daddy would want to eat, but boy did some of her suggestions sound like her favorites. :)

Jason thoroughly enjoyed spending a good part of his day with his hands in dirt. Kali and I joined him long enough to help him plant garlic (which he has determined he hopes to make a yearly tradition on his birthday). We also planted the first redbud tree, which will be part of a grove of trees. This was the first planting in an area that Jason dreams of being a memory garden in honor of Nora. And last we put "Kali's tree" that we took from our first apartment to our first home on E Wolfe St to our Fruit Farm Lane home in its final resting spot. It felt good to end the planting with her tree.

The other night Kali and I were laying in bed talking about writing books and dedicating them to people. I mentioned that if I ever wrote a book I would dedicate it to "Nora and Kali." She thought about this for a moment and then suggested that I could dedicate it to her and write it about Nora since "there's more news to tell." It was one of those precious windows into her little mind. It was clear that somewhere in her on some level she had absorbed the idea that Nora's life (and death) was more interesting or more news worthy than hers. She didn't say it with any bitterness that I could tell but I was grateful to be present to hear it spoken outloud.

I think sometimes in an effort to keep my memories of Nora alive in our home, I forget about how it may come across to Kali. In my mind it is pretty clear: Kali is healthy and growing and here with us. I can hug her and tell her I love her anytime. We play games together, read books, cook and bake together. Nora isn't here. It sure doesn't feel to me that she is the favored one in life. But Kali listens to everything. She hears us processing with each other. She listens to our phone calls even when she seems otherwise occupied. She catches my tears from time to time. And she soaks it all up.

So I find myself trying to verbalize more to her the ways she is special to me. The amazing new things she is doing (like her budding interest in photography). The ways she is growing and changing and what an important part of our family she is. Hopefully she will soak all that up too.